3487

Nicht gelistet/Not listed

Courtesy Kallir Research Institute, New York

Neuhaus in Böhmen (Jindřichův Hradec)

29th July 1915 (handwritten)

Ink on paper

24 x 19,5 cm

[Translation:]

Thursday, July 29, 1915 10h30 in the morning
At 9h today, I received a telegram from Egon
saying that he is in Lainz in the Tierpark and also
informing me that I will receive 100 Kr,
but nothing has arrived yet.
So I won’t make the 11h30 train, the only one that
would take me to Vienna by tonight.
Also, the amount is about
||
30 Kr too little. The hotel bill comes to
almost 100 Kr, the journey, luggage, a.[nd]
various tips 20 Kr. Egon probably
thinks I still have money left of the 58 Kr
but he is wrong, I had to
give him 10 Kr, his mother [1] 20,
provisions along the way, cigarettes f.[or] him, various
telegrams, and other small expenditures
that one doesn’t keep track of, but still
at least 15 Kr – so that’s 45 Kr already gone – I
immediately telegr.[aphed] back for another 30 Kr. –
hopefully
the 100 plus the 30 Kr will still arrive today,
so I can at least leave tomorrow.
– So another afternoon that I don’t know
what to do with; admittedly, a gentleman
who is staying here at the hotel and is taking a
trip to Neu Bistritz today has
invited me to come along, but I could not be
persuaded for anything in the world.
After all, I’m expecting news any moment, and besides
I’m really not in the mood for adventures
of this kind. –
||
It sure is wonderful that Egon is in Lainz,
just a stone’s throw from home –
but he writes – in the Tierpark – are
troops now stationed there? – Well, I’ll
find out everything in due course.
It’s almost 12h now and I still
haven’t received any money, if only
it arrives today. Am I never to leave
from here? I am fed up with Neuhaus to the point
of exhaustion. Everything here disgusts me –
today I could finally tell my lieutenant
to leave me alone [scored out: at last] –
a “Pardon me” – and then he slunk away with
his tail between his legs. – But I don’t think he is
quite cured yet: right now in the restaurant (I took
the book with me again), he is sitting opposite me,
and has been staring at me continually
for an hour. – How irrational some
men can be – he is probably
crazy.
If only I could see Egon at last!!!
||
Whatever shall I do with myself today?! – The best thing
would be to stay at home and wait – but
will I find the peace of mind to do so? – I simply
must. – I certainly won’t go to the station
today – yesterday at this time I thought
I’d be long gone by now. – I
imagined that it would be bad here at the end –
but still not this bad. – For me, the day
has not 12 but 48 hours – the hands of the
clock do not move at all – time seems
to be at a standstill – my head hurts
from all this ruminating – if only I
could sleep during the day – (I barely
can at night) – today I was all dressed
and ready to go out at 5h in the morning – I
couldn’t stand being in bed any longer –
I’m starting to scare myself.
– If only there was an end to this soon! –
no matter how – things are getting almost ridiculous
with this dreadful lieutenant, he doesn’t drink,
doesn’t eat, he just constantly stares
||
at my face – but does that fill
his stomach? – It’s laughable, really –
I sigh, then he sighs – both
for entirely different reasons. –
I’m going to my room now.
It’s 2h and I’ve tried to sleep, but
it’s out of the question – I simply
can’t. – My nerves are totally wrecked. –
If this goes on for much longer, I will get sick; I
don’t feel at all well, probably also because I
eat so little too (and yet so much money goes). – My poor
head, it hurts so much! I think I’m seriously getting
morose; – who would have thought that
possible – before, when I was brimming over
with zest for life and sheer joy of being. – Help
me, somebody! – I wouldn’t feel any different
if I were in a prison cell – because I honestly
feel like I’m in prison already. Isolated and
shut away from the civilized world outside
with no possibility of escape. –
150 Kr would save me, such a tiny
||
sum, and yet so hard to come by.
[sketch]
The rug in my
room

Reini[n]ghaus [2] was to send at the start of
this week and now it is
already Thursday – could it be that
the sale fell through?
That would be a great loss for us.

At 3h I received 150 Kr from Mama [3] –
how so? – Was Egon there? – How dreadful!
On no account did I want them to know at home
th.[at] I was unable to leave because I
had no money – I’d rather have
stayed here in exile for another 14 days.
Hopefully Egon will meet me at the station
so he can enlighten me. If only the money
had arrived an hour earlier,
I could still have been in Vienna today (via Iglau),
now I’ll have to wait until 11h30 tomorrow –
I won’t write anymore
until Vienna.

[1] Marie Schiele, née Soukup (1862–1935).
[2] Carl Reininghaus, industrialist (1857–1929).
[3] Josefine Harms, née Bürzner (1850–1939).

Vollständige Transkription abgedruckt in:
Edith Schiele: „Das Tagebuch. ‚Ich werde dieses Buch nicht Tagebuch heißen, – sondern Trostbuch‘“, in: Zeiten des Umbruchs. Egon Schieles letzte Jahre 1914–1918, hrsg. von Kerstin Jesse/Jane Kallir/Hans-Peter Wipplinger, Wien 2025, S. 50–77 (Ausst.-Kat. Leopold Museum, Wien, 28.03.–13.07.2025).

Courtesy Kallir Research Institute, New York