3458

Nicht gelistet/Not listed

Courtesy Kallir Research Institute, New York

Prague

23rd June 1915 (handwritten)

Ink on paper

24 x 19,5 cm

[Translation:]

Wednesday, June 23, 1915
On the stroke of 4h I was out of bed, at 5h
I was ready to go to Egon, but had
to wait until 6h for a tram; I was at the
“cage” by 6h30, but could not see Egon
on his way to the presentation, as he had thought,
because this had already taken place inside the building.
I continued to wait until noon,
but then had to go home, firstly
to calm my stomach, as I had eaten
absolutely nothing, and also to check whether
the post I had been hoping for had arrived. Still
nothing though, and I am therefore very concerned.
In the afternoon I contacted Mrs. Lederer [1]
by telegram – will she now let us down too!
Oh God – what am I going to do – if only
I had Egon here at least, then this
situation would be easier to bear – but alone and
abandoned by all and everyone. – A bit hard for
the beginning – but for the sake of my good, dear
||
Egon, I bear everything patiently;
I know if he could be here, he would
place me on a bed of roses.
At 1h, I was back outside the exhibition
building and I waited until 6h30 when finally, I
caught a glimpse of Egon, from afar
for one minute. He would be going to Neuhaus,
he called over to me – and now I’ve
waited another hour – but then I was unable to wait
even a second longer – otherwise I would have
collapsed in a faint – because I had hardly anything
in my stomach and had stood there continually from
5h in the morning to 7h30 in the evening – I think th.[at] even
a stronger constitution would have found that hard to endure.
If only I didn’t have these material worries,
I would be able to sleep a little tonight out of
sheer exhaustion – but now this terrible nightmare will
haunt me – what will happen
if nobody sends [money]! – I can’t imagine
– I am absolutely distraught –
– what am I to do – what am I to do.
– – – – –
||
Write to someone else? – it’s a dreadful chore for me
– and so unaccustomed. –
Should I send a telegr.[am] to Reini[n]ghaus? [2] I will
try early tomorrow morning.
If things don’t change soon, I shall
become deathly ill, I feel so wretched – I’m
hardly eating – I’m sleeping badly – I worry
a lot – always in a terrible rush, summa sumarum [!]
a bundle of unhappiness – that is what I am now!
And yet I still have one consolation – that this state
of affairs will change very soon – hopefully –
hopefully.
My one beloved sweetheart.
You too are now getting to know life from
another side, stay strong, endure, think of
how you must live for me, as I
want to live for you. – To hold your head in my hands
just for one minute – it would make me feel a little
calmer.
It was a good idea of yours to take this book along;
writing comforts me a lot. I am not up
to any other work –
||
[scored out: Then] Otherwise I am overcome by such dreadful thoughts
– – – No, I mustn’t think of all th.[is]
it’ll drive me insane!
But when I write, I feel much lighter, I feel like
I’m speaking to you, telling you all of my woes – I
see your good face – your sweet eyes –
kiss your soft mouth, and I feel much, much
better.
It may be a waste of paper, as my
scribblings cannot possibly express
on paper what I feel – I lack the poetic
streak.
I have no words strong enough to express
how much my heart is set on you.
There’s a dreadful din outside; the victory at
Lemberg [3] is being celebrated with a military band
and a torchlight procession – it’s the first
enthusiasm for the war that I’ve seen here.
I shall have some supper now (the cheese
that I brought but could not give to you) and
then write some more.
I will not call this book a diary — but rather a
book of consolation.
||
I am in terrible pain – (the
aunt is visiting). [4] (wasn’t due until the 30th – but
with all the upset and that awful lot of standing
came on earlier. In a way this is better, for at least
I shall be quite well again when I’m back with
my dear husband). I shall go to bed now
Perhaps it will make me feel better.
Egon, my sweet darling, I kiss you dearly, sleep well,
and dream of how wonderful it will be when
we are together again. –
Give me – a little kiss! – Do give it to me!
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| lots of kisses

[1] Serena Lederer, née Pulitzer (1867–1943).
[2] Carl Reininghaus, industrialist (1857–1929).
[3] The Battle of Gródek-Lemberg, 17th–20th June 1915, a breakthrough offensive by German and Austro-Hungarian troops against the Russian army.
[4] A euphemism for her period coming on.

Vollständige Transkription abgedruckt in:
Edith Schiele: „Das Tagebuch. ‚Ich werde dieses Buch nicht Tagebuch heißen, – sondern Trostbuch‘“, in: Zeiten des Umbruchs. Egon Schieles letzte Jahre 1914–1918, hrsg. von Kerstin Jesse/Jane Kallir/Hans-Peter Wipplinger, Wien 2025, S. 50–77 (Ausst.-Kat. Leopold Museum, Wien, 28.03.–13.07.2025).

Courtesy Kallir Research Institute, New York